The theme for this month is Taking Care of Me.
We all have to take care of ourselves as part of our remit as humans. Some of us are also taxed with taking care of others. Those who take care of others living with dementia have an especially hard remit. So, how do we cope? How best to approach this challenge?
The Challenge of Taking Care
Looking after ourselves is a lifelong challenge - for all of us.
Maybe we have dementia, maybe we don’t. Maybe we suspect we may or that we may be developing it. Maybe we have had dementia or another chronic health condition barge in and now we are a carer for a family member - and we weren’t even consulted! We didn’t have a choice!
Or maybe it’s not dementia but some other chronic condition that we live with or another beloved person in our lives lives with.
Maybe, maybe, maybe ... We all live in different situations and our challenges are different.
Doing the Best We Can
BUT - We all have to make the best of the cards we are dealt.
And that involves, for each of us, taking care of ourselves as best we can.
How do you manage a 36-hour Day?
There’s a book for dementia carers - The 36-hour Day. I haven’t read it yet but I think the title is compelling.
Anyone with a chronic health condition knows how limiting that can be.
Anyone looking after someone with a chronic health condition knows how much time and attention is required to carry out what is required and how there never seems to be enough time and enough energy to do the job properly.
So the idea that 36 hours of care need to be crammed into a mere 24 hours makes sense, to a point.
Conflict
Compassionate love and self-preservation seem to be in direct conflict with each other. None of us can manage 36-hour days indefinitely.
Charlie Rebich, an influential mindfulness and communication coach, says , ‘Conflict is change trying to happen’.
You can watch an interview with Rebich on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UuvP3s63XQI
Faced with a conflict between our compassionate desire to do the best for the one we love and have the care of and our human limitations, what is the change that is ‘trying to happen’?
Change Your Focus
My suggestion is to change your focus.
This is definitely not an easy thing to do.
Partly, to place a focus on something else is new and different so, like changing the side we like to lie on in bed, it may take a long time to adjust to.
Partly, like wondering what outfit to wear on a ‘special’ occasion, we may not get it quite right the first time. We may need several tries to develop our confidence that we can make a good selection.
But, if you can stick with changing your focus, you can, over time, find a focus that works for you.
Instead of focusing on all the separate tasks that need to be accomplished and that are constantly threatening to overwhelm you, focus on something else. And see if you can make that work better for you.
Choose to focus on something that is important to you and that, if possible, you also can find a way to assess so that periodically you are able to take stock of any progress.
What To Do Next
1. Start to ask yourself questions about your focus. Keep things simple and relaxed.
You might start with the five basic queries: what? why? how? where? when?
For example, What is my focus, or what would I like my focus to be?
Why that focus?
How would I actually do that?
Where would I do it/
When would I do it?
Or you might like to begin with simply asking, as you proceed with your day, what you are actually focusing on at any moment, and then noticing how you respond.
I’d love to know some of your answers.
If you’d like to make comments below this blog post …
2. If you want to take this to another level, then consider signing up for this free 3-part weekly series of teachings by Master Ming Tong Gu: https://cq860.infusionsoft.com/app/form/a3f398b01cda78c69c93c9f7e222023b?inf_contact_key=1175816b3e7e237dbf6cd1b3b9ab53aa1b0a3f0fd3ee5d9b43fb34c6613498d7